An extended haiku
Head on Pillow
Head on the pillow,
hair black as the sky outside
coming on midnight,
His body was a map
Unfolding, sprawled on the bed
Eyes like autumn leaves
Eyes, penny copper brown,
Piercing as a rusty nail,
Bloodshot from drinking
Calla lily lips,
Wet silk with a dash of lime,
Salt and tequilla,
Lonely, blackhearted—
all that I am or I was—
was gone with a kiss.
He whispered to me
And then the ghosts disappeared
Echo and a dream
Echo and a dream
You lie where he used to lay
blameless as Adam
Blameless as Adam,
unexpected as a storm,
ruin in it’s wake
his fingers played me
just like a virtuoso
skill undisputed
practiced as he was
so jaded so very young
lies like a cheap rug,
He whispered to me,
Flattering words unneeded
with eyes such as his.
my body his terrain
myself a map unfolding
bright revelation
Fuck the pain away
And caution and care be damned
Bull rush of fire
Breathless as he held
Me in the palm of his hand
pleasure’s vexation
Hands circled my hips
He kicked off the tangled sheets
And took me between his lips.
Drink me like water
Turned to wine at your command
Your shining hour
This lump in my throat
Gasping for the summer air
Brings me to my knees.
Bull rush of fire
Sheathed dagger seething release
Lover abandoned.
I’ve been here before
I return time and again
Over and over
Again and again
It goes around, comes around
Circle unbroken
Cat green-eyed sleeping
While the ghosts waited outside
Vigilance be damned.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Le Mot Juste
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4 comments:
Dear Ray,
In several of these haiku “stanzas”, you capture the essence of Haiku. First of all, the 5-7-5 rhythm is very much alive. I find that this count, this beat, actually incites a nostalgic feeling especially in tune with the content of ‘Head on Pillow’.
Then, you add the nature commentary in most of the stanzas. I made a list of how striking your language is. Here is what I find very powerful: “sky outside”, “midnight”, “like autumn leaves”, “calla lilly lips”, “wet silk”, “lime”, “storm”, “wake”, “terrain”, “summer air” and “rush of fire”.
When you wrote back to back lines, “Echo and a dream”, I love how the next line of the next stanza repeats this, “Echo and a dream”, in a style that you often use in your Pantoums. I think of the ballads that you often share from Stevie Nix. This stylistic choice definitely demonstrates your connection to music and lyrics.
Once again, I admire your ability to experiment with form and find your idea of “extended haiku” to be very original! Is it your own invention or did you devise this from another poet or writing exercise?
Did you finish your finals yet? I have thought of you during this vigorous, challenging semester of mine. I know that your pens are running out of ink, your critiques are being returned to your eager students and you are soaring with your breakthrough in a sea of words!
Always keep your ART! I told Anna that I would like to publish you when I get my publishing company up and started after graduation. ☺
I did and this explains why I have not had time to visit and read thoroughly. I’m back on track though and in touch again with your fantastic, evolving, emotional and CATHARTIC work.
All of my respect my dear poet!
Your devotee,
Peedee
The "extended haiku" is not entirely my own invention. Several years ago a friend & I were writing "erotic haikus" and we collaborated on a couple of extended pieces. (Thanx Blue!)
Stevie has always been a major influence on me. I've loved her since the first time I heard "Dreams" when I was 8 years old.
I write and re-write and try to re-work everything I do. Mix genres-- haiku, pantoums, stories. It's a struggle and most of the time I feel like Woolf (I flatter myself) that "I struggle alone in the dark."
Shumate agreed with you on my last short story ("Outcasts Always Mourn") that I should be submitting it and I am hard at work on revisions now. I want it to be good. As good as it can possibly be.
Thank you so much for reading. It gives me hope....
Oh and as far as my students, please let me brag about them: I am very proud of them. One told me at the beginning of the semester, "I'll warn you I can't write." By the end of the semester she turned in a wonderful portfolio on poems about parenthood including some of her own poetry. Another, a nursing student, was doing a multi-media performances of his portfolio! 3 signed up for my class in the fall.
I'm so proud of them!
WOW! Congrats on your student fan club! :) I love it when collaborations flow between teacher and student. I would also sign up for your classes. I love learning and I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to learn from a seasoned poet!
How lucky are they?
:)
I'm grading about 100 English papers now on the Heart of Darkness. My best friend paid me to be her reader and grader as she is slammed with end of the year senior papers. :) I'm really enjoying this "peek" inside the life of an English teacher. And, I'm also very proud of her that she has influenced them to think so critically, to analyze literature and to apply what they have learned to the greater whole.
It's cool! :)
I'm so happy that my reading gives you hope. :)
I look forward to the final version of "Outcasts Always Mourn". :)
I think many tortured poets, like yourself, "struggle alone in the dark". :) At least you have a peanut gallery that may sympathize with the dangerous, treacherous journey. :)
Hugs for you,
Peedee
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